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Post Info TOPIC: Weekend Fun 9/1/21


Master Book-keeper

Status: Offline
Posts: 3637
Date:
Weekend Fun 9/1/21


I was at the checkout at Tesco today when I noticed the man in front of me put one thing on the conveyer belt... A box of condoms. Not only did he notice me staring but decided to make super uncomfortable eye contact. So to lighten the mood I put my bottle of ketchup on and said "looks like we've both bought something to put on our sausages"

--

I'd advise anybody against pressing the 'Emergency Stop' button on a treadmill going at high speed.
I just did, and the bloke on it went flying!
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A man walks into a Welsh pub and orders a white wine spritzer.
The bar goes silent as everyone stares at him.
"Where are you from, you sound English?"
"I'm from across the Severn," replies the man nervously.
"What do you do, just across the Severn?" Asks the barman.
"I'm a taxidermist."
"What on earth is one of those?" He asks.
"I mount animals."
"Its alright boys," shouts the barman, "he's one of us."..
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Barnsley couple went to Blackpool for their holidays every year and, for a change, decided to go abroad instead for the first time. Stood in the queue to board the aircraft, Sheila says eeh Arthur, whod a thought it eh, us going to Spain? Aye love says Arthur, Spain eh?. By eck says Sheila, us in Benidorm!. Benidorm, aye says Arthur. I wish wed brought t'piano though. Why love? says Sheila. Tickets are on it says Arthur.
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My wife always wanted to get married in a castle so on the big day I had it all arranged. The look she gave me as we bounced up and down on it will remain with me forever.
--
My wife asked me if there was anything I regretted saying. "I do", I replied



__________________

John

Any advice given is for general guidance and professional advice should be sought applicable to your circumstances.



Guru

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Posts: 1142
Date:

Thanks John

The downside of being a bomb disposal technician? It takes six hours to open my Birthday presents.

I don't normally eat vegetables but was just listening to John Lennon so i thought i would gives 'peas a chance'

My 4 year old daughter has been learning Spanish at school and she still hasn't learnt the word for please..... and i think that is poor for four.



__________________

Doug

These are only my opinions of how I see things and therefore should not be taken as advice



Master Book-keeper

Status: Offline
Posts: 3637
Date:

Very good Doug. The first one made me lol, not heard that one before.



__________________

John

Any advice given is for general guidance and professional advice should be sought applicable to your circumstances.

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